Monday, June 2, 2008

So, starting at the beginning, I had a really bad sinus infection, and the first round of antibiotics didn't work. So the doctor gave me a new one and immediately I started to feel weird--tired and dizzy and weak, and then thursday I was driving back to the office from my last house of the day along I-80, and I looked over at my mirror and instead of seeing my partner Glenda in the passenger seat, I saw this:

I nearly crashed the car! I was seeing things like this all over the road, and it was like mom says how you see in slides instead of movies. I called my doctor when I got home, but of course she was already gone. So I didn't go to work on friday and called the doc and she said that was a very rare side effect so don't take it anymore and the symptoms would go away. Except they didn't. So I went to the ER on sunday so they could check things out and make sure I'm not dying, which I'm not.

I'm crazy.

Apparently I have the sort of mind that gives up after a while (which I'm sure some of you already knew), so starting with being sick for a while, then moving very far away, signing a lease on a house I've never seen in a city I've never been too, dealing with a broken swamp cooler that my landlord is dragging his feet on fixing, two kids who are getting off to a bad start with the summer and already fighting and throwing huge fits, my husband out of town two weekends in a row, working 9 hour days at hard labor, cleaning and packing my house, and then to top it all off a medicine that made me dizzy and confused--my brain gave up and took a vacation.

When they first started talking about making me talk to a crisis worker I thought it was stupid--I'm not crazy, I'm just sick. But this theory actually makes a lot of sense to me, and I'm thinking they're probably right. It sucks though, because I'm not allowed to drive or work until I've seen a psychiatrist and she signs off on me. Which all makes sense, but I don't have to be happy about it. I would like to put in a little plug for my boss now...I think he has to be the nicest boss in the world, I brought him the work release this morning saying I can't work for two weeks, and after the first quick intake of breath all he said was, "don't make coming back to work your first priority, make getting well your first priority. Then coming back to work would be really good"

The weird part about all this isn't the hallucinations. I pretty much know that what I'm seeing isn't real. The hardest part is my swiss cheesy memory. I can't remember what I did and what I thought about--for instance, did I eat dinner or just think about it? Did I call that person or just think about it? Chris says I called him twice yesterday to tell him the same thing, but I only remember the second time. I haven't dared give the kids a bath, because what if I forget they're in there? I've stopped using the home phone because my cell phone records what calls I make so I can keep track (especially useful for when I called my work), and I've reread this blog 5 or 6 times so i don't repeat myself!

It's nice having this time at home with my kids, I only wish I was a little more with it so I could get more done and enjoy it more, but I'll take what I can get!


RobisonWells said...


Holy Cow get better.

Your house looks cute. It appears sadly that I will not live in my own house for quite some time. Oh well.

Speaking of green it is gorgeouse here. The only problem is that I look around and think of everyone at home. I was at a park by a lake near our house and thought how everyone at home would love this and I wanted to watch them enjoy it too.

I Really like it here but I miss home too. I almost hugged a lady in Motherhood because she was Mormon. I am so used to being surrounded by Mormons that it feels strange not to be. The church on every corner is not an LDS chapel. Which is totally fine but weird for me.

Get better

Love ya!

pwells said...

I think we can just be crazy together now - but what happens in August? How fun will it be to be crazy alone?